The Doorways to Relaxation (adapted from Tara Mohr’s Loving Well Course)
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Are you a doctor stuck in the adrenaline zone? Would you like to feel more relaxed? Would you like some hints and tips to soothe your nervous system and bring it back to a ventral vagal state of calm?
This article share’s Tara Mohr’s “Doorways to Relaxation” model. It offers a creative yet effective way to think about relaxation and which doorway you choose to open to access relaxation in your times of need.
The root word for relaxation comes from Latin: re- means “again,” laxare means “loosen,” and the suffix “ation” means “the state of.” So, relaxation is the state of loosening something again. It’s a release. Relaxation is a release. It’s lessening the tension. It’s a quality of being. It’s when we return to our ventral vagal state and be in the present, open to connection and joy. It’s when our nervous system is in “rest and digest” mode.
Rest is defined as ceasing work or movement in order to relax, sleep, or recover strength. It’s a time where we stop what we are doing to rest our body and brain. It’s interesting that the definition of rest above implies that we have to stop work in order to relax. However, it is possible to be relaxed whilst we work, whilst we parent, whilst we write that email or LinkedIn post. Relaxation and rest are both essential to our wellbeing in our lives as busy modern-day humans and doctors.
This “Doorways to Relaxation” model from Tara Mohr, invites you to give some thought to the ways in which we relax. You get to choose to open the doorway to relaxation to bring your nervous system back into balance. It’s offers a different way of thinking about relaxation and what works best for you to feel relaxed.
1. The Somatic Doorway.
What activities do you do with your body that help you relax at work or at home? this could be dancing, going for a walk, spending time with pet, doing your favourite breathing exercise, cooking, tidying, Pilates, exercise, or gently shaking your body for 2 minutes. It may be that resting your body is needed for you to relax. Rest is defined as ceasing work or movement in order to relax, sleep, or recover strength. It’s a time where we stop what we are doing to rest our body and brain. There are different forms of rest- doing nothing and just sitting still for a few minutes, taking a nap, or a 3 month sabbatical. We all have different types of rest that work for us, our brains and our bodies.
Rest is anything that makes your nervous system feel safe enough to switch off your stress response, so your mind and body can recover and restore. So sleep, chilling, moving, talking and connecting with others, reading, being mindful, stroking a pet, whatever works for you and your nervous system. What are your rest options tfor your body today?
2. The Doorway to Action.
What, if any, action could you take to resolve your current stressor(s)? Do you have a QI project or tax return that’s hanging over you? Do you have a courageous conversation coming up that you need to prepare for? What one action could you take today that would help clear this from your to-do list? What one action could you take that is aligned with your values? Taking action in alignment with your values makes it easier.
3. The Doorway to the Mind.
To use the power of your evolved pre-frontal cortex as a cognitive approach to relaxation. Examples of this approach include:
· Would it help to do some thought revision or reframing? What is the stressful thought you are having? What is a more relaxing thought?
· Could you reframe the stressor in your life by using an approach from Positive Psychology: “Is this a gift or an opportunity?”
· How can you change a “should” to a “could” task?
· Simply saying “this will pass” will reassure and calm your amygdala and your fight or flight response.
· Asking yourself, “Have I got enough information to panic?” (the answer may be yes or no) first followed by: “Would panicking help this situation?” (the answer is usually a no to this one) also soothes and calms your stress response.
4. The Doorway to the Heart: This door enables us to be self-compassionate to ourselves. If you are being self-critical, ask yourself “what would it look like to be more loving to myself today?”. “What would I say to a friend going through this right now?”, “Can I offer myself these same words?”. Or bring in curiosity and get curious about your current situation or stressor, you can’t feel fear or anxiety when you are feeling curious.
5. The Doorway to the Spirit enables you to remember that you are not alone and we can connect or are connected to something bigger than us to help soothe us and our nervous system. This may be by prayer, meditation or connecting to nature when taking a walk/bike ride.
6. The Doorway to Connection. Sometimes we can’t self soothe alone and we need to connect with someone else who is in a calm, ventral vagal state to do so. This may be a pet or another human being. This is a gentle reminder that you don’t have to do it all yourself. Co-regulation with another human being is essential as we are all wired for connection. Who would you like to connect with today?
Try experimenting with which doors to use and when to see which is the most effective for you. Get creative and draw your own doorways to relaxation, with your chosen symbols, each with a list of what you know works for you already and some new things to try. Leave it in a place for you to see so your brain gets a gentle reminder to choose which doorway to open at times of need.
Relaxation changes our hormones and that chemical soup in our blood stream of adrenaline and cortisol. If we use this model to open the doorway of our choice to relaxation, we affect not only ourselves but also others as calm is contagious!
Which doorway to relaxation will you choose today?